NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
