is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
