Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize