I should be sponsored by Trojan
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
