sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
