apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
