I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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