Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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