I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
