arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
