How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
