I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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