I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
