I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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