Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
