You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
