remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
pray to the hookup gods
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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