I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I bet he comes in French.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
