I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
