everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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