he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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