youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
