I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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