It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
