Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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