Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The feeling are messing with the penis
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
