Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
