just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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