I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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