I think I died a long time ago.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
