I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
only if we run a train.
done.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize