i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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