If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he thought i was a dude.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
