Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
