I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
