It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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