yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
