Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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