While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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