i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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