i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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