Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she peed on how many people?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
