I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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