i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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