Ambien. No doubt about it.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
And then my night got REAL pukey
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
