my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
