I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
