No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I smell like Dick and happiness
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