Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize