He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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