Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
