I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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