I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
