Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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