Plan B is the new Plan A
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i think i just lost a toe
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
