I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
