I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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