I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
