turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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