omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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