He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
When did angry sex become our thing?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
