Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
