I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
