Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
