So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
