You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
