saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
