apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize