At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
