Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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