I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
