hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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