i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
