I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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