So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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