I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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