She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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