Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
