I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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