I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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