why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
