his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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