I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
