Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
