So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
