The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
