and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You made out with two different species that night
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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