Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
