She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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