Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
