sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
