I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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