I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
