I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
