Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
