is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
