You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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