i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You're like the curious george of whores
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
